I feel like I would be cheating you if I didn’t tell you about yesterday.
It started out wonderfully with a run in the drizzling rain.
Those who know me well, know I love to run in the rain …
EXCEPT I was pushing a double jogging stroller with two flat tires (I didn’t notice the flat tires until I reached the first uphill – otherwise I would have turned back to inflate them).
My pace was horrible! I couldn’t cover five feet without stopping, ripping the cover off the stroller, and attempting to threaten the kids into submission.
He wanted to go to the park. She wanted the Elmo book. He wanted to go to the park. She poked him in the eye. He wanted to go to the park. He wanted to go the park. He wanted to go to the park. She bit him. (In truth, I wanted to bite him too after how many times I had to listen to him whine about the stupid park).
In the end, everyone cried including me until the two of them started laughing because they made up some silly game, which made me cry harder, but for a different reason. Maybe it was relief.
Did I mention it was raining, which is why I couldn’t take the kids to the park. They would have slipped and fallen on the equipment, gotten all wet, and then cried about being wet. Instead, I decided to run errands.
On our first stop at Costco, I bribed the kids with chocolate. This worked as long as I was willing to remind them (Kiki was a doll – I’m really talking about Bunder) -remind him every two seconds, “You better stop whining or you won’t get the chocolate surprise at the checkout lane.”
At the second stop, Party City, I let them run up and down the aisles pulling toys from the shelves and throwing balls until I needed to check out. At that point, I told them they could pick out any one piece of candy from the candy wall as long as they put their toys back and followed me. They complied happily.
Headed home at this point, I smiled at a successful morning (although worried a little about the children’s teeth with the candy bribes). I happened past Bed, Bath, and Beyond and remembered we needed a few things. Hey, everyone’s in a good mood – why not stop?
BIG mistake!
Bunder whined and grabbed at everything in the store causing countless battles, “No. We’re not buying a shower curtain rod. We have to put that back.”
At the checkout line, he started screaming, “What’s his name? What’s his name?”
Frantic, I tried to follow his 3-year-old mentality, “What over there? The greeting cards? You see a man on the greeting card? I don’t know his name.”
“What’s his name? What’s his name?” Bunder screamed louder.
Frustrated and embarrassed, I desperately attempted to appease him, “The dog? Do you see the dog? Rover. Rover’s his name.”
Bunder continued to scream, “What’s his name? What’s his name?”
I rushed outside pushing both kids in the shopping cart, and grabbed Bunder’s sucker, “It’s not okay to yell at me inside a store. It’s never okay to yell at me.” I started yelling.
He screamed, “Give me my sucker! I want my sucker!”
In my rage, without thinking, I threw the sucker in the trash.
I’ll spare you the gory details of the following hour. I’m sure you can imagine the crying and sobbing.
At naptime, I reread a chapter from Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn. Yes. I was that desperate.
Rewards and punishments DON’T work. They just don’t. As much as we parents would like to believe in logical consequences, incentives, positive reinforcement, and the like. Kids don’t get them. Especially three year olds. Especially my three year old.
I wanted to teach him a lesson, ‘you yell at mommy, you lose your sucker.’ Instead, he learned, when mommy doesn’t understand me and I become frustrated, she gets angry and punishes me.
At least, I can learn from my mistake.
Oh, the day got better. I tried to take the kids to the movie, Pirates! Band of Misfits. I thought we needed a little indulgence after the morning’s fiasco. The previews scared both kids so much, they screamed bloody murder forcing us to exit immediately.
Leaving with two screaming toddlers, a full bag of popcorn, and a full Diet Coke proved no easy task. I spilt popcorn all down the aisle as I tried to wrestle Kiki in my arms. The sight of popcorn on the ground perked up Bunder’s spirits. “Look. We’re leaving a popcorn trail,” he said.
The theater manager offered me two rain checks and refilled my popcorn (without asking). Maybe I looked in need of some kindness.
When we returned home, the kids played in mud puddles in the backyard as I downed Ibuprofen with a glass of red wine.
